I remember going to see my friend in town to inform him of the bad news. I tried not to go home and confirm the news. When I got home, my dad of few words hugged me and said, 'pole'. It then dawned on me that she was no more. That was 2nd June, 2008. My dad narrated to me that he was there when the machine flatlined at 2:30pm and that gave me some sense of comfort knowing that he was there when she died.
A few weeks before, my mother who was terminally ill with cancer seemed to be getting better. In fact the doctors were quite impressed with her results and all of a sudden hope was restored that she will live and not die. Then on May 20th as she checked in for her regular dialysis session, she was admitted because she had gotten a chest infection and her vitals were not looking good. Her health deteriorated so fast from then on as she got transferred from the ward to the HDU and finally to the ICU. These events have stuck with me and are etched in memory.
As a young man in his twenties barely out of campus. ( I graduated 4 months later) the cruel hand of death had robbed me of the one person who I really needed at the most crucial point in my life. Having become disillusioned with life and trying to figure out my purpose, the tender loving care of my mother would have moulded me and charted the path I should have took. The fruits of her labour had not yet blossomed and I was hoping she would start to reap what she had tirelessly sown over the years. She missed all the events in my life that would have made her glad I suppose.
I often wonder how my life would have turned out if she was still alive. Would I be married? Would I be where I am? Would she be happy with the choices I made? I just wonder....As I grow older, it seems I need her more today than yesterday. I would love to have the mother to son moments today. I am constantly reminded of her every year as we celebrate mothers' day knowing I would never be able to wish her, 'happy mothers' day'. It is heartbreaking as BikoZulu writes in his blog.
It is now 7 years but it still feels like yesterday. The pain lingers, the questions remain unanswered but life goes on. She would often say, 'life must continue'. This was her mantra, her song. It never made sense what she meant until her life was snuffed out from us. No matter what life throws at you, life goes on and more than that your life MUST continue. She used to say that she had nothing to give my brother and I except an education. She devoted her life and earnings in giving us the best education she could. The greatest inheritance you can ever receive is not land but an education. Education will give you land and anything you desire. That is the power of education but I would go further and say that it should be the right education. With the right education you can be all you want to be. She sacrificed herself for the good of her children.
The greatest gift my mother ever gave me was God. My mother provided me a strong Christian foundation, upon which I have built my life. She taught me how to pray, not through words but by watching her. She was devout in prayer. She was committed to serving God and that is what I saw growing up. She achieved all that she did through prayer. I am a result of answered prayer. This is her legacy and today I pay tribute to her. I am privileged to have grown up with a mother and even though she is now gone, I realize that it was a gift from God. By the grace of God I have made it past June 2nd, 2008 and each day is a blessing.
I am struggling to write this blog post as words fail me as to how much my mother meant to me and the impact she had on my life. God places the lonely in families and he is the father to the fatherless.
Thank God for mothers and thank God for Gladwell Njambi Thuo.
